Team Mates

GTA Zeebras Cricket Club - Team Mates

	Team Mates - Matt Tavender
	*Matt Tavender -Squad Number 1* Best Trainer (nets): Pete - From Mesmerising spin in the nets to having to bowl 2 styles to get it straight. Worst Trainer (nets) Gene - Shocking bowling in nets but unplayable on the field Most Skillful - Mike - not for his undoubted cricket ability, but for not getting the shit beat out of him when groping all members of the opposite sex. The Joker - Hulks - His white jacket and slating of the skip on tour were hilarious Greatest Achievement by member(s) of the Club: Triumphant Boat Race Team at Penn Street 20/20 Competition Best comedy moment whilst wearing the Striped Pants - Winky catching Steve Barclay out for a Golden Duck when his dad had especially come to see him play. Most Intelligent - Mark Allam - His control of the whip and membership money at the Christmas Do was exceptional. Least Intelligent - Kebab man in Southampton for giving Steve 'minted' chilli sauce. Suicidal Maniac Worst Dress Sense - Harris - His golf attire challenged the R & A dress code to the limit. Worst Taste in Music - The American public who voted 'We Built this City' as the worst song of the 80s. Fools Best drinker - P.T. - The round at Christmas: 11 bitters, 2 lagers, 1 cider and half a pint of Scotch for Daffy Biggest lightweight - Ches - while others plough on, chesney is asleep. Most likely to end up in the cells - Steve Barclay - 'Suck my fat one' need I say more! Best manners at tea - Dan Tav - always speaks to opposition so the Skip doesn't have to. Worst manners at tea - Jimmy B not even playing and he goes first! Who's the longest in the shower - Chuma - some stereotypes are disappointingly accurate!

	Team Mates - Winky
	Best Trainer (nets): Skip - attacking shots, enough said. Worst Trainer (nets): Mike/Chuma - too busy trying to decapitate each other Most Skillful: Hulks - I amazed at anything remotely sporting that he can do The Joker: Shadow - everything comes out of his mouth with a ridiculously amusing accent that he must have spent years perfecting. On your towels everyone! Greatest Achievement by member(s) of the Club: Anyone holding a catch Best comedy moment whilst wearing the Striped Pants: Shadow kicking the ball over the boundary off Skips bowling Most Intelligent: Whoever invented Etap hotels - we have tour locations for the years ahead sorted Least Intelligent: Whoever put on a bus replacement service to Amersham Worst Dress Sense: Harris at Henley... Worst Taste in Music: Expect I'll be involved in this but I'll go for the man who also has SS marching tunes on his iPod, James Booth Best drinker: Ches Hawkes, small but powerful Biggest lightweight: Mike, Gene and any others in the apple juice brigade Most likely to end up in the cells: Barclay - for far to many reasons to list Best manners at tea: Ben Jarvis, veggie so doesn't steal meat Worst manners at tea: Anyone not drinking booze Who's the longest in the shower: Greg Lansdowne, history says it's true

	Team Mates - Shaggy
	Best Trainer (nets): Matthew Tavender. A Pietersen-esque reverse sweep off my pace couldn’t have been easy! Worst Trainer (nets): Jimmy B. A forward roll after ever bowl! Really! Most Skillful: I’m going to go for Mike. He is a great cricketer. But I don’t think we should ignore the talents of Adam Smith. He plays cricket with no hands! Talent. T he Joker: Tough one. I’m going to have to say Harris. Not only does he have great one liners but his antics have probably given us the most nicknames for one man and stuff to talk about for years to come. Greatest Achievement by member(s) of the Club: Mark Allams catch in Southampton. After confessing earlier in the day that he is terrified of the ball he leapt like Micheal Jordan to take that catch! Best comedy moment whilst wearing the Striped Pants: There are so many. “Give him the subtle knife Pan” , Tim Tav’s generosity with his phone and Stocksy’s dribbling are all up there. But my favourite has to be the comedy moment when someone was not wearing their striped pants. Enough said. Most Intelligent: Shadow. I’ve seen the buisness plan for ‘We’ve got Wood’. He will be richer than Branson! Least Intelligent: Adam Smith. £200 down and he’s only going to play 2 games. Not an accountant! Worst Dress Sense: Manning, Brady, Sanders, Montana aka Harris. Worst Taste in Music: Mike. I have sat in his car a few times and listened to his dance music shit! Best drinker: Chesney Hawkes. He is so small but can down a pint like lightning. Biggest lightweight: Geno. Drinks apple juice and is still left sitting in the corner battered! Most likely to end up in the cells: Angry Anderson. Best manners at tea: The girls. Always wait their turn and don’t take the piss. Worst manners at tea: Jimmy B. Even he admits he has no ettiquette. Who's the longest in the shower: Me. It takes a while to look this good!

	Team Mates - Dan Tavender
	What a good idea. I'll probably repeat some of Matts but here goes. Best Trainer (nets) Winky, you expect him to get lots of runs after watching him in the nets and then nothing once we start playing. worst Trainer (nets) Me. I can't be bothered to bowl. i think i bowled 7 deliveries at our last net session. *Greatest Achievement by member(s) of the Club:* Mikes 200 was special as was Chumma's 100 but i'm going with the overall team performance that day. To win by 326 runs in a 40 over match is pretty amazing but to do it where everyone contributed was even better. 7 different people took wickets, everyone else except Matt got runs and Matt took 3 catches and a stumping. Most Skillful I'm going with the obvious one, Mike and for the obvious reason. Could do with improving his bowling strike rate though which i'm sure Myself, Tim, Shaggy, Gary, Ches, Hulks, Mark and Steve would happily give him some tips on. The Joker Again I'm going with Matt and saying Hulks. "Send em back to Dresden", "Slip em the subtle knife Pan" and "That's Pedigree Chuma" are all classics. Best comedy moment whilst wearing the Striped Pants So many great moments so far but being told in the pub in Southampton that if we didn't stop farting we'd be asked to leave is my personal favourite. Never heard of the like before and hopefully never be involved in something like it again. Most Intelligent Matt. Absolutely genius idea this cricket club. Close second me as i am a qualified umpire. Least Intelligent Jim Booth, Drives all the way from cambridge every week and has no interest in playing. Odd and pretty stupid. Worst Dress Sense Shadow - Wears too many vests to be anything but worst dressed. Worst Taste in Music PT - Anyone who has sat in his car knows he has an awful cd collection. Close second Jim who does not like 80's music or reflex clubs. Who's the longest in the shower - I'm avoiding the smutty answer and going with Shaggy. He loves looking at naked men and will be first in and last out if any of us ever showered after games. Best drinker Winky - The man's an Animal. May get more runs if he drank less. (Honourable mentions to everyone who went on tour) Biggest lightweight PT - Despite what Matt says PT went home pre the reflex on that night, didn't tour and made some lame excuse about marinating meat on the Sparsholt mini tour to avoid a second day drinking. Most likely to end up in the cells Steve Barclay - A very very angry Man Best manners at tea Ben Jarvis - nicest man i know so must have the best manners at tea Worst manners at tea Hulks - hates cricket and everything to do with cricket especially the etiquette side on and off the pitch. Politness at tea would stop hulks from enjoying the one thing he enjoys at cricket.

	Team Mates - Shadow
	Best Trainer (nets) – I didn’t go to the nets as live in Birmingham during the week. But for best trainer I would have PT as he does stretches and little runs before the game. Worst Trainer (nets) – Again same situation applies as previous question. I would guess at Hulks though as he tends not to move in the field and seems very lazy. Most Skillful – McFarlane wins this for me. Probably the second best batsmen I’ve played with (Guy called Kaleem in Under 15’s for Smethwick being best, lol). But also very economical with the ball which I think is the grounds for a good one day bowler. The Joker – The Tav clan always make me laugh. Harris I think though has the best banter at cricket. Greatest Achievement by member(s) of the Club – Mike’s 206, team effort versus Ivanhoe and Hulk’s 14. Best comedy moment whilst wearing the Striped Pants – That bench breaking at Beaconsfield game is up there. PT heading a cricket ball before first game comes close. But I loved when we played in Tooting Bec Common and people wouldn’t get off the pitch. Apparently “I know you booked the pitch, but we did get here first” is a valid excuse. Most Intelligent – Jim Booth has to be clever with that first class accent his got. I dream of being able to talk like that one day. Least Intelligent – That Zoof guy who wanted to played cricket at one end. Worst Dress Sense – Harris at Henley was a joke, also Dan Tavender dressing up as a Asda worker ain’t gonna fly with me. Worst Taste in Music – Those wankers who were playing music by us at the twenty20 game. Who's the longest in the shower – I can only remember seeing Matt Tav in a see-through shower at Penn Street so he wins here. Best drinker – Tim Tavender, as he drank the most with me at Sparsholt this year. Biggest lightweight – Geno can’t drink whatsoever but Dan Tav is my lightweight as I haven’t seen him neck a full pint this year. Most likely to end up in the cells – Barclay and Mike are odd-on’s but Bob Gallagher is an outsider. People tend not to serve him at bar’s for some reason and he gets very annoyed. Best manners at tea – Myself and Harris who make the most of our guests food by making sure it’s all finished. Worst manners at tea – Idiots in our team who only go for one helping, weirdoes! People are starving in Kenya so we should make the most of tea. Also twat’s who start going on about how they want a warm cup of tea in them, rather then admiring the fact that we have pork pies shit load of sandwiches on offer. I’ve not said nothing till now but it really pisses me off.

	Team Mates - Skip
	Best Trainer (nets): Mark – He is allegedly in the nets at least once a week honing his off drive. Can only be a matter of time before it comes good. Worst Trainer (nets): Pete – wasn’t completely convinced he could play cricket having seen him in the nets. Most Skillful: Bob – Managing to hit a cricket ball with a golf swing. The Joker: Would have been Hulks but for a lack of appearances this year, so it’s got to be Harris. Excellent banter, that continues throughout the week on the forum. Good work big man! Greatest Achievement by member(s) of the Club: Winky – for proving beyond doubt that he is better than Hulks Best comedy moment whilst wearing the Striped Pants: Pete “your actually naked!” Whitfield” not expecting naked cricket to involve nakedness. Most Intelligent: Tav (M) – for creating the GTA Zeebras and giving me a whole season of excuses to get pissed with my mates. Least Intelligent: Me – even by the law of averages I should win more tosses than I do Worst Dress Sense: Bob’s shirts. I do love them though. Wish I had his cahoonas. Worst Taste in Music: whoever chose the music for the boundaries at Penn Street T20. I think I’ve heard Booker T and the MGs enough now. Who's the longest in the shower: Shaggy – I know he’d be thankful for my appreciation. Best drinker: The GTA Zeebras who got pissed at the T20 and still nearly beat a sober Penn Street. Biggest lightweight: The lads who weren’t pissed playing Penn Street. You know who you are! Most likely to end up in the cells: Colin “Steve” Barclay and Mike “McFarlane” McFire - It’s only a matter of time. Best manners at tea: Gene – Getting me sandwiches when I ask. Lovely Man! Worst manners at tea: Shadow - I’m sure I don’t need to explain.

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